If you’ve ever seen a spider lure a fly into its web you’ll know that brains not brawn is the secret to emerging victorious in any confrontational act. In an argument you should take the roll of the spider. Stay calm and focused as you build your case (web), and lead your opponent neatly into the sticky parts while you stay on safe ground yourself.

Have you been at the losing end of more than just one argument lately? Read on for some comprehensive keys that will help you unlock your winning strategies and lure your opponents into your web.

1. Soft and steady wins the race:
It’s basic human nature – the louder you talk, the louder your opponent shouts. An argument is not about who can out-shout the other, it’s about making the other person see your point of view, by hook or by crook. One hook you can use to draw them to your side is to speak softly at all times, no matter what the provocation. Do not let your emotions get the best of you, for if you do, you let your defenses down. Remain calm under any circumstance, and at some point in the course of the argument, your opponent will run out of steam.

2. Information is power: Know your facts before you
get involved in an argument. When you’re able to provide absolute proof that you’re telling all the facts, you have the added edge in coming out on top. If your opponent is as good at arguing as you are, it helps not to let errors and half-truths creep into your argument – he’ll be sure to call you out on them.

3. Paying attention pays: Winning an argument does
not entail just presenting your side of the case, you also have to listen very carefully to what your opponent is saying. Very often, you’ll find openings in his statements that will allow you to gain the upper hand. Knowing and being able to understand the way your opponent thinks is an added advantage. At times, you can second-guess what he’s planning to say and chart out your course of action accordingly.

4. Do not stray from the chosen path: Sticking to
the subject during an argument is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. If you or your opponent veers to another topic, you tend to start an entirely new argument. One thing leads to another and the original purpose is lost among the myriad views that emerge. Sometimes, changing the subject may be a ploy used by your opponent to throw you off course. Take this as a sign that he feels threatened you’ll win, and steer the subject back to the original.

5. Learn the art of manipulation:
There are some individuals so stubborn that they will never admit when they are wrong, no matter how blatantly obvious it is. To deal with this species, it pays to be a master manipulator. A surefire way to win the argument against them involves you getting them to project your point of view as their own. Admittedly, this takes a great deal of skill and patience, but once you’re adept at using your persuasive powers, you’ll never lose an argument. And the best part is that there’s no ill will on your opponent’s part – after all, he thinks he’s the victor.

6. The longer route is sometimes shorter: A worthy
opponent will know how to bring you to your knees if you reveal your hand at the outset. An argument is like a game of poker – you have to play your cards close to your chest and try to bluff your way through to the end. Keep your plans up your sleeve and put your points across in random order so that your opponent is left guessing where you’re going till the very end. This leaves him with no time to plan his argument, and you’ve succeeded in putting him on the defensive.

7. Eat humble pie: Being human means we are entitled to our fair share of mistakes. The greatness of an individual lies not in being right all the time, but in being man enough to admit that he was wrong when he makes a mistake. When you realize in the middle of an argument that you are in the wrong, be the bigger person and say so. You’ll find your opponent’s respect for you go up several notches. Admitting you’re wrong when you are will also make it easy for people to actually believe you are right when you emphatically state so. While on the subject of mistakes, let me add that it’s never a good idea to accuse your opponent of being wrong. It’s ok if you can back up your accusation with hard facts, but otherwise, it’s only going to get his hackles raised.

8. Silence is golden: Sometimes, silence is the
most effective argument. Stop talking in the middle of the argument and stay quiet no matter what your opponent says or does. Use this tactic after you’ve made a pretty strong point and your opponent is trying to bluster his way out of the net you’ve entangled him in. You’ll find that the argument dies a natural death when only one person is powering it. Your opponent may not admit that he’s lost, but you’ll know you’ve won when he turns around and walks away.

9. Don’t play dirty: No matter how low your opponent stoops, never resort to name-calling, swearing or attacking him on a personal level. Racial, social and cultural slurs reflect poorly on you and only emphasize that you are not confident in your knowledge of the argument’s subject. Stay calm and collected, even when your opponent is showering you with the choicest epithets.

10. The argument against arguments: Never argue
just for argument’s sake. It’s the worst thing to do. If you’re the kind who argues for every single issue under the sun, you’ll find your credibility questioned even when you really need to engage in a real argument.

 如果你曾看過(guò)蜘蛛如何抓蒼蠅的話(huà)，你就會(huì)明白在任何對(duì)抗性活動(dòng)中，成為勝者的秘密是頭腦而非肌肉。在爭(zhēng)論時(shí)你應(yīng)該扮演蜘蛛的角色—冷靜且專(zhuān)注的織網(wǎng)，自己呆在安全的地方，引導(dǎo)對(duì)手進(jìn)入陷阱。

你在最近的爭(zhēng)論中不止一次的失敗過(guò)嗎？讀一讀下面這些方法，它們會(huì)幫助你制定獲勝的策略并引誘對(duì)手到你的“網(wǎng)”中。

1.保持溫和冷靜的態(tài)度。 
人的天性如此—你的聲音越大，對(duì)手喊的聲音更大。爭(zhēng)論比的不是誰(shuí)能喊過(guò)誰(shuí)，而是通過(guò)策略讓其他人明白你的觀點(diǎn)。無(wú)論被如何的激怒，都應(yīng)該保持溫和的語(yǔ)調(diào)，這是一項(xiàng)能爭(zhēng)取他人支持的方法。別讓你的情緒戰(zhàn)勝你自己。如果你這樣做的話(huà)，你就降低了自己的防御能力。在任何情況下都保持冷靜，這會(huì)讓你的對(duì)手在爭(zhēng)論中泄氣。

 2.信息就是力量。    在被卷入爭(zhēng)論前先充分了解自己的觀點(diǎn)。當(dāng)你能為自己陳述的所有事實(shí)提供絕對(duì)的證據(jù)時(shí)，你就擁有成為獲勝者的額外優(yōu)勢(shì)。如果你的對(duì)手和你一樣擅長(zhǎng)辯論技巧的話(huà)，這樣做可以杜絕錯(cuò)誤與半真半假的信息消弱你的觀點(diǎn)。

3.注意聆聽(tīng)。      想在爭(zhēng)論中贏得勝利并不僅僅意味著闡述你自己的觀點(diǎn)，你應(yīng)該很仔細(xì)的聆聽(tīng)對(duì)手的發(fā)言。通常情況下，你將在他的評(píng)論中發(fā)現(xiàn)突破
口，而這將讓你具有額外的優(yōu)勢(shì)。了解并理解對(duì)手的思維方式是一種額外的優(yōu)勢(shì)，有時(shí)你可以以此來(lái)預(yù)測(cè)對(duì)手打算攻擊你的方向。

4. 不要偏離所選定的方向。
在爭(zhēng)論中堅(jiān)持自己的觀點(diǎn)有時(shí)是最難做的事情。如果你或你的對(duì)手突然轉(zhuǎn)向另一個(gè)話(huà)題，你將重新開(kāi)始一場(chǎng)新的爭(zhēng)論。一件事引起另一件事，而你最初的目的則迷失在不斷出現(xiàn)的新觀點(diǎn)之中。有時(shí)，改變爭(zhēng)論主題是你對(duì)手使用的一種讓你迷失方向的策略。把這當(dāng)成他害怕你將取得勝利的信號(hào)并且引導(dǎo)爭(zhēng)論重新回到最初的主題。

5.學(xué)會(huì)勸誘藝術(shù)。
有些人是如此的固執(zhí)，他們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)承認(rèn)自己的錯(cuò)誤，無(wú)論這錯(cuò)誤是多么的明顯。與這種人打交道的時(shí)候你就應(yīng)該成為熟練的勸誘者。取得與他們爭(zhēng)論勝利的最確定做法是讓他們像堅(jiān)持自己的觀點(diǎn)一樣擁護(hù)你的觀點(diǎn)。誠(chéng)然，這需要大量的技巧和耐心，但一旦你熟練的使用勸誘技巧，你就將在這類(lèi)爭(zhēng)論中百戰(zhàn)百勝。而這種方法最好的地方在于你的對(duì)手將對(duì)你毫無(wú)敵意，畢竟他認(rèn)為自己才是勝利者。

6.曲線(xiàn)策略。如果你把自己的意圖暴露在外，一個(gè)杰出的對(duì)手就知道如何戰(zhàn)勝你。爭(zhēng)論就像打牌，你應(yīng)該把牌靠在自己的胸口，不斷的蒙蔽對(duì)手，直到牌局結(jié)束。隱藏你的計(jì)劃，隨機(jī)的說(shuō)出自己的觀點(diǎn)，這樣你的對(duì)手就猜不到你的意圖，直到爭(zhēng)論結(jié)束。這樣做可以讓他沒(méi)有時(shí)間計(jì)劃自己的爭(zhēng)論策略，而你則成功的使他成為被動(dòng)的防守者。

7.勇于認(rèn)錯(cuò)。每個(gè)人都會(huì)犯錯(cuò)。偉人之所以偉大不在于他永遠(yuǎn)是對(duì)的，而在于他能在犯錯(cuò)的時(shí)候勇敢的承認(rèn)錯(cuò)誤。當(dāng)你在爭(zhēng)論的時(shí)候意識(shí)到自己的錯(cuò)誤，勇敢的承認(rèn)吧。你將贏得對(duì)手的尊重。勇于認(rèn)錯(cuò)也將使人們?cè)谀銖?qiáng)調(diào)某一觀點(diǎn)時(shí)更容易相信你是正確的。當(dāng)你犯錯(cuò)時(shí)，刁難對(duì)手的錯(cuò)誤不是一個(gè)好的方法。雖然，你可以用鐵一般的事實(shí)來(lái)證明他也錯(cuò)了，但是這樣做的后果只會(huì)得到對(duì)手更強(qiáng)烈的反抗。

8.沉默是金。有時(shí)，沉默是最有效的方法。當(dāng)你在做出恰當(dāng)有力的論述之后，對(duì)手會(huì)想通過(guò)咆哮來(lái)擺脫不利局面，這時(shí)你就可以使用此策略—在爭(zhēng)論的中途 停止說(shuō)話(huà)、保持沉默，無(wú)視對(duì)手的言行。你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)只有一個(gè)人在那咆哮的時(shí)候，爭(zhēng)論自然而然的就結(jié)束了。你的對(duì)手可能不會(huì)承認(rèn)自己的失敗，但當(dāng)他轉(zhuǎn)身離去的 時(shí)候，你將知道自己贏了。

9.光明正大。無(wú)論你對(duì)手多么卑鄙，絕不要罵人、詛咒或是人身攻擊。對(duì)種族、風(fēng)俗、社會(huì)的污蔑只會(huì)反映你對(duì)爭(zhēng)論內(nèi)容的不自信。就算對(duì)手污言穢語(yǔ)你也應(yīng)該保持冷靜。

10.別為爭(zhēng)論而爭(zhēng)論。   為享受爭(zhēng)論的快感而爭(zhēng)論是最差勁的做法，如果你是那種什么都想爭(zhēng)論的人，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)真正需要爭(zhēng)論的時(shí)候，自己的誠(chéng)信已經(jīng)受到質(zhì)疑。