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快樂生活的訣竅,自己要會(huì)給自己找樂子

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核心提示:If your parents are unhappy, are you destined for unhappiness, too? Psychologists used to believe that genes played a determining role in our state of mind. But new research is finding that people can do more than previously thought to improve their


If your parents are unhappy, are you destined for unhappiness, too? Psychologists used to believe that genes played a determining role in our state of mind. But new research is finding that people can do more than previously thought to improve their outlook on life. “Things are more complex than simple genetic models suggest,” says Ed Diener, a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois who researches subjective well-being. “People are stuck with the genes they have … but we know that adult personality can change, and people probably have some control over this.”

How much control is still a matter of debate within the field. In a new book, “The How of Happiness” (Penguin Press. $24.95), Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, proposes that a full 40 percent of our happiness is within our control. Using data from research on identical and fraternal twins, she concludes that an additional 50 percent is determined by genetics. The remaining 10 percent is dictated by circumstance—like a recent divorce or a financial windfall. “In the past, we’ve heard you can’t make people happy sustainably because happiness is genetic or because life’s circumstances won’t allow it,” says Lyubomirsky. “I argue that there are things we can actually change.”

Lyubomirsky, who has been studying happiness for nearly two decades, offers a dozen so-called happiness intervention strategies in her book, all backed by her own or others’ research. With help from a National Institute of Mental Health grant, she and colleague Ken Sheldon have conducted or reviewed dozens of studies with participants who, for example, wrote letters of gratitude, performed conscious acts of kindness or kept a “best possible selves” journal to outline future goals over six or more weeks. When compared with control groups, those who performed the activities regularly reported “significantly bigger” increases in their happiness levels, as compared with before the intervention. “Even nine months later, we still saw the effects: those who continued to practice these strategies had more sustained happiness,” she says. Here’s more advice from the book:

Don’t overthink it. When you catch yourself stewing over something, tell yourself, “Stop.” Or set aside 30 minutes late in the day to do nothing but ruminate. Chances are, when the appointed time comes, the issues that plagued your thoughts earlier will seem less consequential.

Learn good coping skills. Write down traumatic experiences and learn how to recognize, and argue with, overly pessimistic thoughts.

Savor life’s joys. Relish ordinary experiences, like a good meal or a hot shower; conjure up a favorite memory when you’re down.

Cultivate optimism. After studying Lyubomirsky’s strategies, photographer Kelly Radinsky, 45, set aside time each evening when she, her husband and two kids, ages 5 and 9, take turns sharing the favorite parts of their day.

Lyubomirsky recommends only trying strategies that match your personality and repeating them only as often as they fit into your schedule (otherwise, they could seem like obligations). She admits that some suggestions may sound “hokey” but stresses that they are based on controlled studies or correlational data showing they can significantly improve participants’ level of happiness compared with those who do not perform the exercises.

“This isn’t someone standing up and saying, ‘Just think positive thoughts.’ She’s doing rigorous research,” says Alan Kazdin, professor of psychology at Yale University and president of the American Psychological Association. “We’ve learned over the past few decades that there are strategies you can use that can actually change the brain, change behavior and then mood and understanding follow.”

Radinsky, who inherited “dark genes” from an abusive father and suicidal mother, says she sometimes has to work at making Lyubomirsky’s strategies a habit, but it’s worth it. “I think they can make the difference between a happy and an unhappy life,” she adds. That’s good news for the pessimists among us.

是不是父母不快樂,你就注定要不快樂呢?心理學(xué)家通常認(rèn)為基因?qū)ξ覀兊木駹顟B(tài)有決定性作用。但一項(xiàng)新研究發(fā)現(xiàn),人們改善自己人生觀的可能性比以前認(rèn)為的大得多。伊利諾伊大學(xué)的心理學(xué)教授埃德·迪納對主觀幸福感進(jìn)行了研究,他說:“這要比簡單的遺傳模型學(xué)說復(fù)雜得多。人們會(huì)受到基因的影響,但是我們都知道成年人的個(gè)性是可以改變的,并且人們還多多少少地能夠這種改變。”

但是能夠控制到什么程度還存在著爭議。在新書《如何獲得幸!罚ㄆ簌Z出版社,24.95美元)中,里弗賽得市加州大學(xué)的心理學(xué)教授桑雅‧呂波密斯基說,我們能夠控制的幸福感足足有4成之多。根據(jù)對異卵雙胞胎的研究數(shù)據(jù)的分析,她總結(jié)說取決于遺傳的有五成。還有一成的人受環(huán)境的影響——比如最近離婚了或者突然發(fā)了橫財(cái)。呂波密斯基說: “過去,我們常常聽說,你沒辦法讓人維持幸福感,因?yàn)樾腋8衼碜杂谶z傳,或者因?yàn)樯瞽h(huán)境不允許。我認(rèn)為,有些東西我們確實(shí)是可以改變的。”

呂波密斯基在過去近二十年里一直在研究人們的幸福感,根據(jù)她自己的研究以及別人的研究,她在書中提出了12項(xiàng)所謂的“幸福干預(yù)戰(zhàn)略”。在國立精神衛(wèi)生研究所的資助下,她和同事肯·謝爾登進(jìn)行、回顧了幾十項(xiàng)研究,他們與過去那些研究的參與者聯(lián)系,比如那些寫來感謝新的參與者、進(jìn)行有意識(shí)的善行的參與者、堅(jiān)持“最好可能的自我”超過6個(gè)或更多星期以便實(shí)現(xiàn)未來目標(biāo)的參與者。與那些克制自己的組員相比,定期執(zhí)行這些戰(zhàn)略的人報(bào)告說他們的幸福感水平比執(zhí)行戰(zhàn)略前有了“明顯的更大的”提高。她說:“即使是9個(gè)月之后,我們?nèi)阅芸吹叫Ч耗切﹫?jiān)持實(shí)行這些干預(yù)戰(zhàn)略的人幸福感持續(xù)的更久些。”以下是這本書的其它意見:

不要過多考慮這件事。當(dāng)你對某件事焦慮不安時(shí),對自己喊“停”;蛘咴谶@一天的晚些時(shí)候給自己30分鐘,什么都不干,只是沉思。時(shí)候到了,早前困擾你的問題自然就會(huì)減輕。

努力提高適應(yīng)能力。把經(jīng)歷的創(chuàng)傷寫下來,然后學(xué)著承認(rèn)這種過于悲觀的想法,并與它抗?fàn)帯?/p>

享受生活的樂趣。仔細(xì)品味那些看上去普通的經(jīng)歷,比如一頓好吃的飯菜、一次舒舒服服的熱水澡,失落時(shí)這些都是美好的回憶。

培養(yǎng)樂觀的態(tài)度。研究了呂波密斯基的幸福干預(yù)戰(zhàn)略后,45歲的攝影師Kelly Radinsky每晚撥出一定的時(shí)間,與她丈夫以及5歲和9歲的兩個(gè)孩子輪流講述這一天中自己最喜歡的事情。

呂波密斯基建議只去嘗試那些符合你個(gè)性的干預(yù)戰(zhàn)略,并不斷的重復(fù),直到它成為你的習(xí)慣(否則,它們看起來很可能像是義務(wù))。她承認(rèn)有些建議可能聽上去有些 “做作”,但也強(qiáng)調(diào)這些建議都是建立在研究和相關(guān)數(shù)據(jù)基礎(chǔ)上的,這些數(shù)據(jù)表明做這些練習(xí)的人的幸福水平遠(yuǎn)高于那些不做的人。

美國心理學(xué)協(xié)會(huì)主席、耶魯大學(xué)的心理學(xué)教授Alan Kazdin說:“她做的是一項(xiàng)很嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)难芯,而不只是站起來說‘保持積極的想法’這么簡單。在過去幾十年里我們已經(jīng)知道,確實(shí)有些辦法可以改變我們的大腦、行為,然后改變我們的心情以及相應(yīng)的理解力。”

Radinsky從滿口臟話的父親和自殺的母親那里繼承了“黑暗基因”,她說要讓呂波密斯基的干預(yù)戰(zhàn)略成為習(xí)慣,有時(shí)候很困難,但是卻是值得的。她有補(bǔ)充說:“我覺得它們可以將幸福和不幸福的生活區(qū)分開。”這對我們中的悲觀主義者來說是個(gè)好消息。

 

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